Thank you. There is so much strength in humility. This s literally the answe that I have been looking for!!! I knew something was off bc I never felt like this with my hubby for the first year together, and all of a sudden I feel different.. Or maybe you have a hard time opening up with your partner and being emotionally vulnerable because of a history of trauma or abuse in your past.
Of course your history makes it hard to be vulnerable. As a result, you get hit with tons of anxiety and stress, which leads to one of two outcomes, neither of which are good for your confidence in the relationship: You avoid that important conversation altogether because it causes you so much anxiety and stress.
Resist the urge to dwell on past relationship mistakes Dwelling on the past is just the flip side of worrying about the future: When you waste your mental energy dwelling on past mistakes and failures, you have that much less to invest in the present. That said, keep this in mind: Dwelling on past relationship mistakes can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Get control of your defensiveness A common cause of feeling insecure in a relationship is defensiveness. Immediately, you feel a rush of emotion—some combination of anger, shame, and sadness. Instinctively, you lash out by criticizing them for something similar they did recently.
A huge argument follows. And even after the argument is over, resentments and distance remain. But to do I this, you need to realize a key distinction: Feeling defensive vs acting defensive. However, acting out your defensiveness is something you can and should try to control. Be more skeptical of your thoughts The mind is a messy place. Think about it like this… Your mind is like a meeting at work where the whole team is brainstorming ideas.
As the team leader, your job is to be aware of all the ideas. I just bring everyone down… And like the examples above, a lot of these brainstorming ideas your mind throws out are worthless—neither true nor helpful.
Practice self-compassion As a therapist, I often heard a lot of very sad stories… Stories of terrible abuse or trauma Stories about giving up on dreams and aspirations Stories about terrifying panic attacks or bouts of depression But you know what was worse, even, than hearing those stories themselves… The worst part was hearing people criticize and judge themselves for struggling.
And this is true of feeling insecure in a relationship as much as anything. Or maybe you feel sad and regretful because of some mistakes you made early in the relationship and you worry that your partner might not ever truly forgive you and be able to move on. The point is simply this: Feeling bad is hard enough without feeling bad about feeling bad.
To counteract this habit, work on building a habit of self-compassion. Which makes total sense because you are literally using them. And no one likes to feel used. Set healthier boundaries As we discussed in the point above, a big part of becoming less insecure in a relationship is practicing assertiveness—specifically, asking for what you want and expressing your needs courageously. For example: How could you possibly feel secure in a relationship when your partner constantly overrides your suggestions for how to spend your time?
How could you possibly feel secure in a relationship when your boyfriend criticizes you as selfish any time you decline to hang out with him and spend time with your friends instead? And one of the best things you can control to feel more secure is how you spend your time… Ironically, most people who want to feel more secure in a relationship probably need to spend more time doing things outside of the relationship.
But like the old saying goes… Prevention is the best medicine. Emotionally immature people frequently struggle to follow through on commitments to work on the relationship.
But you can't feel like you're "not enough" if you have no one to compare yourself to, right? Or decrease your use of social media overall. If you still find yourself in a "she is X, they have Y" mindset, consider muting or unfollowing people who spike that negative comparison rabbithole.
Then go back to your list of talents, or create one that spells out all the things you're grateful for in your life, so you're not only forced to leave the app, but you also remember that there is no one—I repeat, no one—just like you. Real talk: Even if you have the most supportive partner in the world, sometimes you just gotta get outside help.
Insecurities can result from your history, yes, but also just your general personality, Squyres says. So if you've put in all the work above and still don't feel better, it might be time to talk to a therapist or coach, notes Orbuch. Then, together, you can set goals and figure out strategies to change. Talking to a professional can also help you see your insecurities in a new light. For example, maybe you've already figured out the root cause of your insecurity is betrayal from a past partner.
You fear your current partner will do the same thing, but you don't necessarily want to say that to them. Having an unbiased person, like a therapist or coach, listen to your concerns and make you deep-dive into them can help you find connections that you wouldn't if you were just venting to a friend who nods along.
Ultimately, take heart in knowing that "a good relationship built on love, respect, communication, and commitment should help most people lose their insecurities," says Squyres. And know this: When people really know your flaws, and love you anyway, you can discover a level of confidence you may not have found on your own. Weight Loss.
United States. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories. Taraji P. Accessible Beauty Products For All. Take the first step in getting the help you need. Download Relish to get unlimited 1-on-1 coaching with a qualified relationship coach! When we focus on comparing ourselves or our relationships to others, we open the door to disappointment.
But what we can control is our exposure to it! Simply limiting your social media time can go a long way towards achieving this goal. The best antidote to self-doubt is self-confidence. How do you materialize more of it?
One idea is that you can keep a nightly journal where you write down one thing you did you were proud of from the day - and then the next morning, read your last few entries. What more encouraging way could you think of to start the day?
So instead of crossing your fingers for telepathy, open up the lines of communication. Let our relationship coaches put together a free customized lesson plan to help you master your communication skills.
Install now! One of the best ways to combat negativity is to realize you can control your own self-talk. And some of the best advice there is on this subject is actually pretty simple: Speak to yourself the same way you would speak to your closest friend.
There is no one in the world like you. Use it surrounding yourself with good things, and good people. If you identify negativity, address it. Although this sounds a little… counterintuitive, this is a really important point.
But on another note, a little insecurity is just one of the prices we pay for being a human being. If you really practice each of these steps with intention, go through them chronologically as many times as necessary, the results are straightforward. You will become more secure. You will doubt yourself less. You will be able to see in yourself what your partner obviously sees. Start your 7-day free trial today! With a degree in Psychology and over a decade of experience, Caitlin has made improving people's relationships both her career and her passion.
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