Survivors may be financially dependent on their abusive partner or have previously been denied opportunities to work, a place to sleep on their own, language assistance, or a network to turn to during moments of crisis.
These factors can make it seem impossible for someone to leave an abusive situation. People who are undocumented may fear that reporting abuse will affect their immigration status. If they have limited English proficiency, these concerns can be amplified by a confusing and convoluted legal system and an inability to express their circumstances to others.
Learn more about abuse in different cultural contexts. Many survivors may feel guilty or responsible for disrupting their familial unit. Keeping the family together may not only be something that a survivor may value, but may also be used as a tactic by their partner used to guilt a survivor into staying.
Experiencing abuse and feeling genuine care for a partner who is causing harm are not mutually exclusive. Survivors often still have strong, intimate feelings for their abusive partner. They may have children together, want to maintain their family, or the person abusing them may simply be charming especially at the beginning of a relationship and the survivor may hope that their partner will return to being that person.
Understanding the various ways that abuse appears and intersects can prepare you to respond to situations safely for yourself and others. To browse this site safely, be sure to regularly clear your browser history. Abusive situations are complicated. Have you thought to yourself: Things are getting bad at home. But then you second-guess yourself. Is it really all that bad? We asked the experts for a few reasons why people stay in abusive relationships.
If you, or someone you know, is living in an abusive situation, there may be several reasons why you or they stay. But these breadcrumbs, instead of the whole loaf, can often lay the groundwork for a trauma bond, or the feeling of being unable to leave someone who hurts you.
Even if that person is who caused them pain, the survivor may turn to them for comfort. In an abusive situation, you may find that your dynamic takes on somewhat of a predictable pattern, which can provide an odd sense of security amid the chaos. Even though things may be difficult, for some people they might also feel familiar or comfortable because, on some level, it reminds you of the behaviors modeled by adults in your childhood.
This phenomenon is called trauma reenactment. To begin the healing process and make an exit plan , you may find it helpful to use our search tools and find a therapist. Domestic abuse can take many forms and often begins subtly for those who experience it.
Here's what we know about the causes of domestic violence. Most victims want the violence to end, but love their partner and want the relationship to work. A lack of money can make these situations even harder because many options for leaving require payments, such as a hotel fee or a plane ticket.
If the victim does not have the means to do these things many of their options disappear. Fear Generally, victims stay because the fear of leaving is greater than the fear of staying. Promises of Reform The abuser promises that it will never happen again; the victim wants to believe that this is true.
Guilt The victim may believe that the abuser is sick and needs their help. Lack of self-esteem The victim may come to believe that they somehow deserve the abuse. Children Being a single parent is a strenuous experience under the best of conditions, and for most victims, conditions are far from the best.
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